maveRick
07-08-2002, 04:11 PM
<FONT SIZE="3">Why spend money on fire-poppers only to have 'em dissipate to hell into the high-heavens! The money you could’a spent on that new side-grinder the wife has been wanting you to get just went up in smoke!
Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a “perpetual popper”? One that could provide entertainment for the entire trailer-park for the next hundert celebrations (4th of July, Saturday nights, another off-spring being married off, and etcetera)?
After you’ve watched all the imbeciles pee their beer money away on some chinese-made crap that sounds a lot like someone hollering “Whistle-POP!” real loud, be the envy of all the other mullets within earshot when you bring out your home-made, American-grown,
"PoMoFo Firecracker (tm)" (our neighbors crossed the fence like calling us “pomofo’s”. They said it wuz a term of ‘endearment’ or sumpthing when I assed em what that meant).
Once you and your family have done heard all the “ignorant” celebrators dwindle their fire-works cache to naught (tee-hee!), your fire-work will be filling the now-done-become-silent air for the next 12 continuous hours!
Construction: (http://users3.ev1.net/~rickbook/pmofo/pomofo_firecracker1.jpg)
Material Selection:
My Uncle Daddy used to spend hours and hours going through our neighbors refuse to select what he called ‘the perfect pitch’ 2 X 4. Personally, I find the closest board that’s not nailed down and use it (too many blows to the head caused me to become tone-deaf anyways).
Adjusting the length:
Once the material is selected, the only tool required may be the use of that fancy hand-saw you borrowed last year from that uppity neighbor on the other side of the 12 foot high, rebar-enforced brick-wall they bought and paid for ya for at your “welcome-us-to-the-neighborhood” party you threw yourself.
A feller could also adjust the product to a desired length by simply smashing it into your beer-can-callused forehead. Note: I use my friend, Beauford’s head. He don’t seem to mind too much.
Presence:
Fool all the spectators into thinking you spent lots of money on your firecracker by decorating the 2 X 4 with warnings, instructions, and etcetera (http://users3.ev1.net/~rickbook/pmofo/pomofo_firecracker2.jpg). If they see the words (or someone reads the words to ‘em) “Made in China”, they seem to be pretty much convinced it’s legit stuff and begin backing away.
Instructions:
I’d like to go and write up a big ol' technical article on how to ‘light’ the firework and have it published in the local “Town Crier”, but I don’t need no outsiders writing me no letters with big words asking me querstions.
Just hand it to one of your kids with the smallest amount of teeth and the heaviest right foot - nature will take it's course.
Now don't go blaming me for nothing bad a happening to anybody. You's at your own risk!
Most of all, Happy Celebrating!
<center> DOWNLOAD INSTRUCTIONAL BETA MAX TAPE RECORDING HERE! (http://users3.ev1.net/~rickbook/pmofo/PoMoFoRacing_dot_com_Firecracker.WMV)
------------------------
</font>If you enjoyed this article, please 'cut and paste' or link to PoMoFoRacing.Com (see email contact below)
PoMoFoRacing is a website geared towards any auto performance enthusiast
whose right foot is heavier than their wallet. No matter the make
or model, if you like to do your own wrenching, this is the place
for you. Here you will find everything from tech articles to forums
to tech day and track event listings.
Feel free to <a href="mailto:blue91@pomofo.com?subject=PoMoFoRacing Inquiry">email us</a> if you have any questions or have
a 'real' tech article of your own you'd like to submit.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a “perpetual popper”? One that could provide entertainment for the entire trailer-park for the next hundert celebrations (4th of July, Saturday nights, another off-spring being married off, and etcetera)?
After you’ve watched all the imbeciles pee their beer money away on some chinese-made crap that sounds a lot like someone hollering “Whistle-POP!” real loud, be the envy of all the other mullets within earshot when you bring out your home-made, American-grown,
"PoMoFo Firecracker (tm)" (our neighbors crossed the fence like calling us “pomofo’s”. They said it wuz a term of ‘endearment’ or sumpthing when I assed em what that meant).
Once you and your family have done heard all the “ignorant” celebrators dwindle their fire-works cache to naught (tee-hee!), your fire-work will be filling the now-done-become-silent air for the next 12 continuous hours!
Construction: (http://users3.ev1.net/~rickbook/pmofo/pomofo_firecracker1.jpg)
Material Selection:
My Uncle Daddy used to spend hours and hours going through our neighbors refuse to select what he called ‘the perfect pitch’ 2 X 4. Personally, I find the closest board that’s not nailed down and use it (too many blows to the head caused me to become tone-deaf anyways).
Adjusting the length:
Once the material is selected, the only tool required may be the use of that fancy hand-saw you borrowed last year from that uppity neighbor on the other side of the 12 foot high, rebar-enforced brick-wall they bought and paid for ya for at your “welcome-us-to-the-neighborhood” party you threw yourself.
A feller could also adjust the product to a desired length by simply smashing it into your beer-can-callused forehead. Note: I use my friend, Beauford’s head. He don’t seem to mind too much.
Presence:
Fool all the spectators into thinking you spent lots of money on your firecracker by decorating the 2 X 4 with warnings, instructions, and etcetera (http://users3.ev1.net/~rickbook/pmofo/pomofo_firecracker2.jpg). If they see the words (or someone reads the words to ‘em) “Made in China”, they seem to be pretty much convinced it’s legit stuff and begin backing away.
Instructions:
I’d like to go and write up a big ol' technical article on how to ‘light’ the firework and have it published in the local “Town Crier”, but I don’t need no outsiders writing me no letters with big words asking me querstions.
Just hand it to one of your kids with the smallest amount of teeth and the heaviest right foot - nature will take it's course.
Now don't go blaming me for nothing bad a happening to anybody. You's at your own risk!
Most of all, Happy Celebrating!
<center> DOWNLOAD INSTRUCTIONAL BETA MAX TAPE RECORDING HERE! (http://users3.ev1.net/~rickbook/pmofo/PoMoFoRacing_dot_com_Firecracker.WMV)
------------------------
</font>If you enjoyed this article, please 'cut and paste' or link to PoMoFoRacing.Com (see email contact below)
PoMoFoRacing is a website geared towards any auto performance enthusiast
whose right foot is heavier than their wallet. No matter the make
or model, if you like to do your own wrenching, this is the place
for you. Here you will find everything from tech articles to forums
to tech day and track event listings.
Feel free to <a href="mailto:blue91@pomofo.com?subject=PoMoFoRacing Inquiry">email us</a> if you have any questions or have
a 'real' tech article of your own you'd like to submit.