TxBandit
12-09-2009, 12:54 PM
I'm going to apologize in advance for anything offensive that may be written below. As most of you know, I spent a fair amount of time in China over the last few years and recently I was looking through somr scribblings that I put down while I was over there. So.....it may be long, but it's worth reading.
Today was interesting. I didn't have the feeling that I should choke the living shit out of each person who I interacted with, but I'm still off a little, I need to have my meds changed. I fucking HATE dumb people, which in my opinion equates to about 95% of the world population. I have no sympathy for people who cannot understand simple logic or use plain ass common sense or deductive reasoning to answer their own stupid ass questions. I'll save this rant for another day, I need to get on with what happened today.
Did I mention that I HATE fat people also? Oh yeah, OF COURSE I DID. I mean come on people who actually likes a fat person? Right...NOBODY.....Do you have any fat friends, huh, I didn't think so. First of all, who wants to be around someone who constantly sweats like a fucking French whore on nickle night....a person who sweats for no other reason than the fact that, by some strange miracle, they woke up this morning? This is retarded, you know your fat, you know you stink, and you know that you could fall the fuck out anytime and any place from cardiac arrest just because you can't be trusted with a fork. You constantly complain that your fat yet you NEVER pass up a chance to roll up to the drive thru window at Jack in the Fucking Greasy Ass Box and order 67 super tacos and a fucking DIET coke. Do you actually think that drinking a Coke with no calories will offset the other 12488 calories contained in the fat smothered tacos? Get a fucking grip, you want to lose weight, QUIT FUCKING EATING you dumb son of a bitch.
Let me tell you what happened today involving a fat chic that I work with. It's a long walk from our office to the Engineering office where we regularly have to go for meetings. So, my entire SKINNY ass shudders every time I have to go there because I have to take the fat bitch that I am so lucky to have to work with. So, we make it about 30 yards and guess what this slut says to me...."Slow down, you're walking to fast". Guess what lard ass, this is how fast we're going to walk, not because I want to walk at this pace, but because YOU need to walk at this pace....wake the hell up, I'm trying to help you because you are too damn lazy to help yourself. Moving along, we make it to the gate, round the corner and I notice that she's breathing a little heavy. Hahahaha, my plan is working. This is the only way anyone will ever get her to breathe hard because no one in their right mind would ever crawl in bed with this slimy cunt. So, we're about half way there and she's really panting. I start to say to myself....self....maybe walking the fat off of this bitch isn't the smartest idea. Now I don't consider myself to be dumb, in fact I'm one of the smartest people in our solar system. Just ask me. The next thought that pops into my head is that if she passes out from heat exhaustion (it's about 16 degrees outside by the way) I'm going to be the only idiot around and I may have to save her....fuck that...she can fucking die because I'm going run as far and as fast as I can to get help. I ain't about to put my lips ANYWHERE on her body. With my luck her lung capacity is so large that if I made even the smallest mistake while trying to resuscitate this whale she could very likely inhale my entire body inside of hers and no one would ever find me. Sorry folks, I value my life more than that. The next thought is that we better slow down. BUT WAIT, we're almost there. I had a lot of thinking to do about the situation at hand and in that time we managed to cover some ground. I see people ahead....fuck it, we can make it....if she craters out they'll see it and rush over to help, after all these are her fellow countrymen. I can just stand back and watch. Alright, we're at the entrance of the Engineering building. Aw hell, I never even thought about the flight of stairs that we had to climb. Shit here we go, man, she really is going to fucking die, I'm fucked. What do I do? Hmmmm....I got it....I've got some long legs, I'm a lightweight...I'll haul ass up the stairs skipping every other step and make it around the wino stop so that I can watch her waddle up the stairs one by one. Worked like a champ!!! She gets to the top of the stairs and, like I mentioned before, fat people sweat and this bird has got sweat running off of her in such mass that you'd think she was a walking Niagara Falls. I look at her and say "Are you alright? You look like you're about to have a fucking stroke. Here let me make you a sandwich" I couldn't pass it up, a chance to fuck with a fat person about their condition. I'm going to hell for sure.
Right before lunch myself and two other co-workers needed to go down the road to another facility where some equipment is being manufactured to conduct a very brief inspection. In typical fashion we request that one of the girls in admin call the driver for us so he can give us a ride. He shows up, we get in the car and off we go. Now I don't know if any of you have ever been to China, but most of the people in the small town we're in haven't been driving too long. In fact, there were NO CARS in this town until the mid '80s. This means that I've been driving longer than 99% of the population and we're paying them to drive us around. How about paying a 18 year old to drive you everywhere you need to go, yep you're putting your life in your own hands. So we take off down the street swerving in and out of traffic, dodging mother's with children crossing the street and damn sure taking advantage of every inch of pavement. We round the corner to the left and take off down a one lane road. We all start yelling...HEY, HEY, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING??? STOP, STOP, STOP, WHOA, PULL OVER. The driver is looking at us and smiling from ear to ear. You're going the wrong way asshole. The facility we need to go to is the opposite direction. Keep in mind that we didn't pull over, we are just stopped in the middle of the fucking goat trail that they call a road....dead stopped with people passing us wherever possible. There's a deuce and half behind us blowing the horn like it's the only thing he has left. What does our driver do? He throws the car in reverse and crams the pedal to the floor. Now we're in a Honda.....it's front wheel drive....you know what happened? Let me tell you what didn't happen. The tires didn't start squealing and go up in smoke like California in the middle of wildfire season, the car didn't hesitate while the tires were smoking, it didn't magically jump out of gear, we were not just casually backing up, this fucking thing is front wheel drive. The driver's foot was through the floorboard and his toes were tickling the radiator. This man was on a mission, he was bound and determined that we were going to back the fuck up ON A ONE WAY STREET. Remember the part about the truck behind us, well we're closing in on that fucker FAST...F-A-S-T fast, like the Lava Fucking Jet Machine fast. My eyes are bulging out of my head, I'm looking backward and looking at the driver, looking backward and again turning to look at the driver. What is he doing...smiling.....from one big Chinese ear to the other, laughing....huh, huh, huh like Beavis and Butthead all while his foot is impaled on the gas pedal. I'm not easily scared when I'm in a car, but this was different, this could no longer be considered a car, I had upgraded this thing from a Honda, to a pine box and now to a gold cladded fucking casket because I knew that it would be the last time I saw the light of day. Then miraculously the driver just stopped. We didn't hit the truck, my heart did not stop beating (although it was beating REAL fucking fast) and my life did not suddenly end on a one way street 12000 miles from home on a cold winter day. I'll live to see tomorrow, it was not my time. I'll pray later....well probably not, but it sounded good.
To Be Continued......
Today was interesting. I didn't have the feeling that I should choke the living shit out of each person who I interacted with, but I'm still off a little, I need to have my meds changed. I fucking HATE dumb people, which in my opinion equates to about 95% of the world population. I have no sympathy for people who cannot understand simple logic or use plain ass common sense or deductive reasoning to answer their own stupid ass questions. I'll save this rant for another day, I need to get on with what happened today.
Did I mention that I HATE fat people also? Oh yeah, OF COURSE I DID. I mean come on people who actually likes a fat person? Right...NOBODY.....Do you have any fat friends, huh, I didn't think so. First of all, who wants to be around someone who constantly sweats like a fucking French whore on nickle night....a person who sweats for no other reason than the fact that, by some strange miracle, they woke up this morning? This is retarded, you know your fat, you know you stink, and you know that you could fall the fuck out anytime and any place from cardiac arrest just because you can't be trusted with a fork. You constantly complain that your fat yet you NEVER pass up a chance to roll up to the drive thru window at Jack in the Fucking Greasy Ass Box and order 67 super tacos and a fucking DIET coke. Do you actually think that drinking a Coke with no calories will offset the other 12488 calories contained in the fat smothered tacos? Get a fucking grip, you want to lose weight, QUIT FUCKING EATING you dumb son of a bitch.
Let me tell you what happened today involving a fat chic that I work with. It's a long walk from our office to the Engineering office where we regularly have to go for meetings. So, my entire SKINNY ass shudders every time I have to go there because I have to take the fat bitch that I am so lucky to have to work with. So, we make it about 30 yards and guess what this slut says to me...."Slow down, you're walking to fast". Guess what lard ass, this is how fast we're going to walk, not because I want to walk at this pace, but because YOU need to walk at this pace....wake the hell up, I'm trying to help you because you are too damn lazy to help yourself. Moving along, we make it to the gate, round the corner and I notice that she's breathing a little heavy. Hahahaha, my plan is working. This is the only way anyone will ever get her to breathe hard because no one in their right mind would ever crawl in bed with this slimy cunt. So, we're about half way there and she's really panting. I start to say to myself....self....maybe walking the fat off of this bitch isn't the smartest idea. Now I don't consider myself to be dumb, in fact I'm one of the smartest people in our solar system. Just ask me. The next thought that pops into my head is that if she passes out from heat exhaustion (it's about 16 degrees outside by the way) I'm going to be the only idiot around and I may have to save her....fuck that...she can fucking die because I'm going run as far and as fast as I can to get help. I ain't about to put my lips ANYWHERE on her body. With my luck her lung capacity is so large that if I made even the smallest mistake while trying to resuscitate this whale she could very likely inhale my entire body inside of hers and no one would ever find me. Sorry folks, I value my life more than that. The next thought is that we better slow down. BUT WAIT, we're almost there. I had a lot of thinking to do about the situation at hand and in that time we managed to cover some ground. I see people ahead....fuck it, we can make it....if she craters out they'll see it and rush over to help, after all these are her fellow countrymen. I can just stand back and watch. Alright, we're at the entrance of the Engineering building. Aw hell, I never even thought about the flight of stairs that we had to climb. Shit here we go, man, she really is going to fucking die, I'm fucked. What do I do? Hmmmm....I got it....I've got some long legs, I'm a lightweight...I'll haul ass up the stairs skipping every other step and make it around the wino stop so that I can watch her waddle up the stairs one by one. Worked like a champ!!! She gets to the top of the stairs and, like I mentioned before, fat people sweat and this bird has got sweat running off of her in such mass that you'd think she was a walking Niagara Falls. I look at her and say "Are you alright? You look like you're about to have a fucking stroke. Here let me make you a sandwich" I couldn't pass it up, a chance to fuck with a fat person about their condition. I'm going to hell for sure.
Right before lunch myself and two other co-workers needed to go down the road to another facility where some equipment is being manufactured to conduct a very brief inspection. In typical fashion we request that one of the girls in admin call the driver for us so he can give us a ride. He shows up, we get in the car and off we go. Now I don't know if any of you have ever been to China, but most of the people in the small town we're in haven't been driving too long. In fact, there were NO CARS in this town until the mid '80s. This means that I've been driving longer than 99% of the population and we're paying them to drive us around. How about paying a 18 year old to drive you everywhere you need to go, yep you're putting your life in your own hands. So we take off down the street swerving in and out of traffic, dodging mother's with children crossing the street and damn sure taking advantage of every inch of pavement. We round the corner to the left and take off down a one lane road. We all start yelling...HEY, HEY, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING??? STOP, STOP, STOP, WHOA, PULL OVER. The driver is looking at us and smiling from ear to ear. You're going the wrong way asshole. The facility we need to go to is the opposite direction. Keep in mind that we didn't pull over, we are just stopped in the middle of the fucking goat trail that they call a road....dead stopped with people passing us wherever possible. There's a deuce and half behind us blowing the horn like it's the only thing he has left. What does our driver do? He throws the car in reverse and crams the pedal to the floor. Now we're in a Honda.....it's front wheel drive....you know what happened? Let me tell you what didn't happen. The tires didn't start squealing and go up in smoke like California in the middle of wildfire season, the car didn't hesitate while the tires were smoking, it didn't magically jump out of gear, we were not just casually backing up, this fucking thing is front wheel drive. The driver's foot was through the floorboard and his toes were tickling the radiator. This man was on a mission, he was bound and determined that we were going to back the fuck up ON A ONE WAY STREET. Remember the part about the truck behind us, well we're closing in on that fucker FAST...F-A-S-T fast, like the Lava Fucking Jet Machine fast. My eyes are bulging out of my head, I'm looking backward and looking at the driver, looking backward and again turning to look at the driver. What is he doing...smiling.....from one big Chinese ear to the other, laughing....huh, huh, huh like Beavis and Butthead all while his foot is impaled on the gas pedal. I'm not easily scared when I'm in a car, but this was different, this could no longer be considered a car, I had upgraded this thing from a Honda, to a pine box and now to a gold cladded fucking casket because I knew that it would be the last time I saw the light of day. Then miraculously the driver just stopped. We didn't hit the truck, my heart did not stop beating (although it was beating REAL fucking fast) and my life did not suddenly end on a one way street 12000 miles from home on a cold winter day. I'll live to see tomorrow, it was not my time. I'll pray later....well probably not, but it sounded good.
To Be Continued......